An Unbelieving Heart - Practically Walking the Spiritual Malady

 Let me start with one thing.

If you're searching a blog talking about an unbelieving heart, I'm going to assume that we are both aware what kind of fears have been going through your mind.

I'm no teacher, theologian, or an expert on election or salvation. Nor do I have a set of scriptures and explanations ready to put your mind at complete ease and perfectly answer THAT question for you. You know the one. The one that has you reading this or googling topics around it in hopes of answers and hope. 

Those same questions that had me pouring over scripture, avoiding certain areas (Hebrews, especially, if that relates) because it only brought fear, then pressing into those same scriptures because maybe confronting them would help. I'd scour the articles and teachings of theologians like John Piper, Chad Bird, or Dr Michael Brown. Id listen to evangelists, teachers, enlist the help of spiritual advisors. Search for wisdom in hearts like Corrie Ten Boom, Brennen Manning, etc. I'd pray through tears when emotions where high and pray when I was so drained that emotions were beyond me. And while I learned much and at times got the encouragement I needed to make it to the next day, it also felt more like chasing my tail. And all the while, my anxiety would grow and spiritually it felt like a long cartoon dynamite wick was ignited and i could see it getting closer and closer to an inevitable explosion.

Sound familiar? I hope not, but if so, you're likely not just dealing with doubt but rather with what Hebrews refers to as a "unbelieving heart." There. We said it. It's in the open. And while Hebrews has many great affirmations in it, it's warnings are serious and sobering.

First, let me encourage you, beloved: YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND THERE IS HOPE!

Rather than the dance we do to get past it by trying to correct the beliefs, reaffirm our safety net or avoid the triggers and fear; lets just camp for a brief moment. Not with a knee-jerk fear reaction crying out "I believe help my unbelief (Mark 9:24)" That's exactly where we're going, but unbelief is only half the problem here. See, unbelief is at the core of MOST christian problems on some level. And standing on that is exactly the route we are supposed to take. 

But there's a difference between struggling to believe something, and dealing with an unbelieving heart. (Hebrews 3:12) And if you're experience has been like mine was, you're probably well aware of that. Encouragement from fellow believers rings hollow, they don't seem to understand where the fear and worry come from. They may want to pray against condemnation and seem to believe in you far more than you "know" that they should. Sound familiar? I'm sorry if it does, I've been there and its why I'm writing this now. 

HOPE. Firstly, we're going to break one singular lie that stands between you and moving past this. Having a "wicked unbelieving heart" is not the end. Nor is it a sign that you haven't truly turned to God. It doesn't mean that you're walk thus far was deception and you need to do the sinners prayer and really mean it this time but only after dealing with the wicked unbelief first. And it doesn't mean you have fallen away.

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. - Hebrews 3:12 ESV

So, first, the Author of Hebrews is extorting "brothers" (clearly implying he is speaking to believers) to take care "lest there be" an unbelieving heart LEADING them to fall away. So firstly, the unbelief, while a cause, is not the same as falling away. Secondly. If, upon finding a wicked unbelieving in their heart due to "taking care," they were then without hope, there wouldn't be much point in warning his brother sabout it! Seems it would have been better advice to just write "Don't stop.... BELIEVING!!!" as the verse instead of warning them to "take care." While a serious concern, its clearly something that can happen to a believer and there is reason to find it through examination and care. And that's because it can be dealt with before it causes one to fall away.

And beloved, if you were there, you would simply BE falling away. See...someone who has lost their belief simply walks away. Or hides in the crowd because church is comfortable. But you? You tremble before God with the weight of a fearful thing in front of you that you don't know how to solve! This is the best place to be and is a sign that not only are you still awake and alive, but that the Father himself is still working in you. 

We do not see on our own. We do not desire God on our own. 

    The natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to Him (1 Cor 2:14) 

    For it is God who works in you, both to WILL and to act... (Phil. 2:13)

    For the Preaching of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing (1 Cor 1:18)

If you're aware and concerned over a problem in your life, it's because the Holy Spirit revealed it to you. Your flesh wouldn't care. And if it's God who reveals it, then you can be sure that He didn't allow you to see it just to taunt you. There's a way out because he promises there will be. 

There's something we tend to do, however, that isn't in the verse, however. It doesn't say to "take care, lest there be a evil unbelieving heart and take care of it lest it cause us to fall away"

If you've walked with the Lord any amount of time, you probably know that most sin as an action is almost always rooted in a heart condition. Sin we actively have to choose to not to commit. When a prideful heart wants to retaliate, we are not to respond in sin. And (hopefully) we begin to pray regarding our heart condition, confess it to God, and ask him to change it. Which he will do.

But for some reason, a heart of unbelief in a believer we often think, (or at least respond like it) is our responsibility. This is where is differs from doubt. This isn't a sin of action, its one of condition. (Similar to a prideful heart, etc.)

And it leads to falling away because we begin the sin of dealing with it ourselves or covering it up because it terrifies us. This is the self-sufficiency and lack of faith that draws us away from Christ.

For a long time, the way I'd go about it was through fear. I don't know how many times I'd desperately cry, "I believe help my unbelief" in a vain attempt to make it go way. Because, i believed that I (being the mighty intelligent self that I am) had discovered this unbelief. And what I needed to do was believe enough to ask for belief and approach God with that so that it could be given to me and I could go back to being a good son of the Most High Almighty God. 

And if you've been there, let me just tell you (if it wasn't obvious by the way I simplified my thinking.) That's pride. And it's fear. And its part of that same unbelief.

See. This whole walk with God started when you had zero belief and God revealed himself to you, Giving and igniting faith in you where you had none because He loves you more dearly than you could imagine. And now, in a crisis of faith, you find that you must solve this unbelief as you approach Him rather than with him? Those aren't the words you probably would use, but how comfortable are you with casually talking to the father about your unbelief without shame? See, God is not fooled, he knows whats going on in your heart. In fact, his Spirit is the very reason you're even aware of it. So why, when you try to approach God so ask for help are you doing so in a way that imitates the Garden where they were unclothed and hiding?

I've come to understand that right there, is where the core of the unbelief is hiding. That was the tether that kept pulling me to the same struggle until drowning in and fighting off doubt and fear were practically part of my daily routine. Fear and shame and pride will have you thinking that unbelief is something that needs to be solved so that you can come to God. And certainly one must choose to believe, but see we aren't dealing with whether or not you believe, and that's obvious if you think about it. Here you are searching for answers to solve a problem that only exists IF you believe. 

No, we're dealing with an unbelieving Heart. 

And for that, you need to approach the Father in faith, as you are. 

He loves you. 

And he already knows. 

And the faith you need isn't the faith you're heart is missing, it's the faith that he wont turn you away when you come to him humbly and honestly about a heart issue you are unable to solve on your own. Even one that is unbelieving.

Now. That said, an unbelieving heart is a serious problem. As it grows, it encourages us to wear a mask. To do the work. To take leaps of faith even because that "proves" to ourselves that we have faith. We pridefully begin to think that this is something we can fix. Or that it just means that we need to grow. 

This is why we are to examine ourselves and take care. It's not an easy or natural thing to catch. And if you are aware of it, know that it takes soft heart that responds to the Spirits warnings to even be aware and concerned. So you aren't here because you are weak or worse than anyone else. And you are loved as you are right now, so much so that the Fathers cares enough to reveal a heart issue to you. He could have left you alone, but He loves you and is willing to walk through it with you to bring you home. All he had to do was not reveal the dangerous heart condition. But he, in his sovereignty, chose to reveal it to you. YOU ARE THAT SPECIAL TO HIM!! He didn't choose to move on to others who didn't have this problem, He chose to reveal it and to invite you to bring it to Him!

The faith you need isn't the faith to fix an unbelieving heart. To walk away as you try to solve it through your own human effort or fearful begging prayers. It's the faith that you can come to the Savior WITH an unbelieving heart and humbly and fully expect him to forgive and restore you because he promised to. Whoever comes to me, I will never cast out (John 6:37) 

It took me a long time to trust that I could come to Him with unbelief. I'd seen so much! He'd moved so mightily in my life! He had been so faithful to forgive, and now I'm doubting? The second I'd begin to acknowledge the unbelief in my heart, Id quickly pull my mask back on. "no no, i believe, help my unbelief." "ooh yea, i saw that unbelief there, Father can you forgive me for it and help me with it" all the while unable to acknowledge that the unbelief was ME!!! I was afraid. Afraid that if i acknowledged it, id fall into it. And so I'd deceive myself and then become frustrated and scared as the problem didn't go away. 

I was fighting the wrong unbelief. I was trying to fight against what was in my heart all along rather than choosing to trust that I was loved enough that I could take my Fathers hand, walk him to the depths of my unbelieving heart and that he would stay. I believed that my belief if what tethered me to the Father. 

But it's the cross. And it will always be the cross.

Have the faith to take the mask off in front of the Savior. Have the courage to be honest with the one who loves you more that anything you can possibly fathom.

It's from that place of faith and trust that we can CONFIDENTLY proclaim "I believe, help my unbelief!!"

Once there, God can and will begin a transformative work in you. That is something between you and God and brothers/sisters that can come along side you. But from here, I can say with confidence that He who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion on the day of Christ Jesus.

I hope some of what I've learned walking through this can comfort and help you. Keep up the good fight and as someone who knows the struggle, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH!!!

I've had a very intimate struggle in this area and know very well how painful and lonely it can be. If you are in this place, reach out to your Pastor and/or a Elder or Mentor in the faith. Get involved with a small group you are able to be vulnerable and transparent with. Community will play an indispensable role in this season. You can also reach out to me at zac@convictionofrighteousness.com